Conversations with Cats

I am home during the week while my family is all either at work or school. Aside from my one evening and one day per week of volunteering, I haven't been up to much. Oh, I've gotten some things accomplished. I've done a little yard work, worked out everyday, managed a three day juice fast...in other words, yeah, not much.

Today, I found myself in the kitchen singing "Sweet Caroline" to one of my cats. It's a song I often sing to them, except I change the lyrics to "Sweet Kitty Cats". I'm pretty sure that I could beat out that annoying "Friday" girl if anyone every taped me. So, I'm singing and emptying a container of Popeye's Red Beans and Rice into a microwave - safe bowl when I drop said container.

I turned to my cat, who immediately started eating some rice and said "Why do I always drop things after I've cleaned the floor? And why are you trying to eat rice? Are you a Japanese cat? I hear cats in Japan eat rice all the time. I think that's pretty fucked up, but, whatever." She just looked at me and ran when I brought out the broom (as if I've ever beaten her with a broom!) and I was left pondering the mess and trying not to think about the possibility that there may be some lard in Popeye's Red Beans and Rice. If there is, I'm pretty sure I don't want to know about it, because Popeye's Red Beans and Rice is the Holy Grail of fast food for me; and as a loud mouthed vegan, it would make me look really bad if I was eating lard. For now, I am pleading ignorance, though I am pretty sure a few clicks of the mouse and I would have my answer.

Darned Google! And darn my inability to un-know things!!! Sigh... they are not vegan. Pork fat is in the ingredient list amongst some other not so unprocessed or healthy things. Goodbye, Popeyes!

I feel ill now.

Back to my crazy flow...

I recently deactivated my Facebook account. It was a long time coming and had to be done. There were several factors that led to me finally cutting the virtual life cord, not the least of which was that my gorgeous and wonderful husband deactivated his and I missed him. Then, I found myself saying so in my status and then airing some dirty laundry that if he HAD been on there would have royally pissed him off. I realized this after a moment or two and deleted my comment. But, I felt like Pandora's box had been opened already. It wasn't such a big deal, really. In fact, I'll say it here with no problem; it was just in that forum, it was inappropriate. But, all I said was that I missed him, but was kind of glad he had deactivated since so many old "friends" (female) had been showing up on there lately. I guess I was getting a bit jealous.

Scratch that, I was totally getting more than a bit jealous; not in a worried way, mind you. I wasn't in fear of my husband running off with some bimbo he had "befriended" in 1989. Actually, it made me remember some things that 18 years together had made blurry. That my husband is crazy hot, for one. That he had a life before me, for another. That one kind of stings. But seriously, he was 27 when we met. He had travelled around the world with the Marines and several bands by that time. But, I kind of conveniently forgot that there may have several dozen women in that "Before Me" picture.

And thank God there were! I mean, we would not be together today if he had been a 27 year old virgin. No. Not a chance. Half the reason I fell for him was because of certain abilities that I will say no more about... :) 'scuse me while I reel my brain back to the present... thank you.

Anyway, I was glad for the realization. I have a living, breathing, smoking hot husband! I need to spend time with him; not just virtually liking his virtual stuff!

Orgasmic Chicken Breasts

I've been reading Jennier Weiner's new book "Fly Away Home". I like her stuff, usually. I really liked "Good in Bed" and"In Her Shoes" and liked the latter movie almost as much.

But, here is what I hate: I hate that being conscious is somehow always written as a character flaw instead of what it is; being conscientious. For example, in this latest book there must have been a reference to "organic chicken breast" at least twenty times. That in itself is a joke, which I will get into later, but, it would have been fine if it had not been the uptight, holier than thou sister who kept buying this literary organic chicken breast.

Why are people who are concerned about putting added hormones into their bodies portrayed as uptight? Again, chicken breast in any form is not health food, but, I'll get to that, I promise. I mean does a character have to fit into the stereotype of "cheeseburger eating American" to be a protagonist? Are people not deeper than their shopping lists?

Of course, this organic chicken breast mother also limits her son's screen time. "Screen time" is even in quotes and the good, cheeseburger and milkshake (and beautiful) sister laughs about it with her hunky, meat eating boyfriend. HEAVEN FORBID!!! I MEAN, WHAT WILL A SIX YEAR OLD HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IF HE HASN'T SEEN THE LATEST EPISODE OF GABBA GABBACKYARDIGANS?!?!?!?!? Seriously?!

Why is normal seen as being lazy and tuned in to garbage on the t.v. and abnormal seen as sweat producing exercise?

Sweating and exercise are good for you! Sweating rids the body of toxins! Exercise releases endorphins and helps you sleep! Why is it seen as weird?

Why is food that has been shown to cause Cancer in study after study, like cow's milk, good and virtuous and soymilk elitist and somehow evil?

Aren't authors smarter than most of us? I mean, Jennier Weiner is successful, she graduated from Princeton, she is presumably well - read; how is it that she can still uphold such ridiculous cliches?

I'm not saying that Jennifer Weiner is worse than those doctors prescribing Viagra instead of telling their patients that they have early stage heart disease; maybe eat some plants. No. Of course not. She is a ditsy writer, writing ditsy novels for ditzes like me. She has no obligation to create believable, upstanding, witty and lovable vegan characters. But, I wish she would.

Doctors, on the other hand, should not be treating impotence with a pill. They do have a serious obligation to sit down with these men WHO TRUST THEM and tell them that they need to change their lifestyles. It would be infinitely cheaper, safer and let's face it, WAY SEXIER in the end than taking that stupid pill so you can have a hard on tucked under your bloated belly. Oh, and maybe you won't die from a heart attack either; that's a plus.

I work at Whole Foods, which was, of course, mentioned in the book a few times as the place for buying organic chicken breast.

Are some customers snobs? Sure. Do some seem more interested in impressing their friends with their purchases than pursuing actual better health? Yes. But, contrary to popular belief, there are many, many customers who go there because they've received some kind of diagnosis, or their child has, or their spouse. They are there because they truly want to be healthier and live more vital lives.

Sometimes, they are misled, like in the case of organic chicken. Is organic chicken better than regular chicken? Maybe it makes them feel better. Maybe it makes them feel better to realize that they aren't adding anymore hormones to their bodies, but, no. Chicken is not health food, in any shape or form.

Chicken is an animal product that has animal fat and cholesterol (as much as beef) and animal products are not health food. They will not prolong your life. Eaten in quantity (10% or more of your calories) and it will probably shorten your life and give you less quality of life. You'll likely die of the number one killer in the Western world, which is heart disease.

Morbid, I know. Not sexy at all.

But, what if it were? What if some Supervegan (starring Scarlet Johansson) in red tights and a blue cape swooped in and switched everyone's organic or otherwise chicken breast for a lentil burger? Or that fat laden chocolate milkshake with a kale and raw cacao smoothie? And people began feeling good? and they got more done? and the turned off the t.v. to play with their kids? and they had more sex? WHAT IF THE SUPERVEGAN PUT VIAGRA OUT OF BUSINESS??? Wouldn't that be a story worth telling?

I'm Thinking About Raul Julia

What an actor! Smoldering, funny and that voice! Mmm, don't get me started! Have I ever mentioned my love of the Spanish language? Yeah. I like it. A lot. Raul Julia. Gone too soon. Too many cigars and a weak heart, but, a fine (and I do mean FINE) actor.


He's on my mind because we watched Addams Family Values for the umpteenth time this past weekend and he makes the movie for me. I love watching movies with the kids that we can all enjoy. A movie with The Rock? Yes, please! What's the story? I don't care! Just don't interrupt me during the part where he takes off his shirt!!! Whose idea was it to get Dwayne Johnson to do Disney movies? I want to kiss them on the mouth.


I'm also thinking about my friends at the Engine 2 Immersion (part two!) in Austin this week. I feel incredibly lucky that I was able to have that experience last March at the inaugural immersion. It has truly changed my life and I've made friends that I will cherish forever. I wish them well!

I'm eating a homemade lentil burger (with way too many onions in it...no one will be speaking ANY language in my ear today; my ear is too close to my mouth!) and already thinking about the giant salad that I want to eat next. It's amazing how in just six months, my mindset is completely different when it comes to food. Except, that maybe it's not. I still crave things like crazy; only now they are things like vegan pesto and artichoke hearts. The really crazy thing is that I am cooking...like, A LOT. I have to if I want to eat plant strong (trademark :) ), because my sweet husband still cooks around the meat. It's okay. He's a grownup and he is entitled to eat what he wants and cook what he wants. Thankfully, I am mostly happy with large salads containing things I can either slice or dump from a can and toasted sprouted grain bread covered with either hummus or refried beans. I'm easy that way. But, when I get sick of that, I need to cook. I was proud of myself yesterday for making a double batch of cauliflower soup and those ridiculously onion - filled lentil burgers for everyone's dinner...even though I had to go to work and couldn't enjoy them with the family.

I'm getting there. It takes time.

Sugar is next to go, especially cookies. Like some men I've known, they are delicious, but dangerous and addicting(and they don't even speak Spanish!). I really need to break it off for good. I've banished Newman's (vegan) chocolate, chocolate sandwich cookies from my life as well as regular Oreo's. I still have coconut ice (not)cream in the freezer, but, I'll let the kids finish that. Ice cream is not as much of a trigger for me. It takes too much effort. By the time I pry the lid off the frozen treat and manage to scoop out a serving, I could have eaten six cookies. Damned efficiency!!!

So, yes. Cookies, you are gone! Candy: meh. Don't really care. The thing that is holding me back is that I know I will have to give up the coconut creamer for my coffee. And, I'm not sure if I can truly break my addiction (and oh yes, it IS and addiction) and keep that in my life. It's sweet, delicious, it makes me happy...and probably that is the problem. It makes me too happy and then I crash or want something else sweet, or a salt bagel, etc., etc.

I'm screwed.

The rational part of me knows that if I just stay strong for three days, then a week and then two weeks, it will be over. Cravings gone, I will be happy to eat my salads and veggies and oniony lentil burgers sans sucre. But, the fat devil on my shoulder is eating a vegan doughnut and shouting things like "You deserve it!" "You need that creamer!" "Why are you torturing yourself?" and spitting crumbs all over me. I hate that guy.

I read an article about Drew Carey, in the Parade magazine over the weekend, about how he lost all this weight and blah, blah, blah...but, the thing that stuck out at me was when he talked about celebrating. And one day he ate some pizza and cake and the next day he did the same thing and it made him feel like crap. He realized that it wasn't a reward; it was a punishment. Those were his words. It's true. That momentary pleasure of taste on tongue leads to weight gain, diabetes, heart disease, low energy...on and on. Is it worth it? No, of course not.

Why do we see sugar and fat as a reward when it hurts us? Because it's what we learned from infancy. Breast milk is basically sugar and fat. When we went to grandma's did she give us candy or kale? Did we have to finish our desserts? Nope, but we sure had to eat our vegetables under threat of violence or never leaving the table: ever ... no wonder we hated those things! We've got so much misplaced value on things that are terrible for us. Something to consider for the next blog post...

'til then, don't come too close. I really reek of onions.