I am home, sick, watching bad t.v., feeling sorry for myself and trying to write something halfway interesting and this is the headline I see! Or, actually, it was " Octomom Shows Off Bikini Bod".
Really.
The universe has a really twisted sense of humor.
First of all: Octomom. I don't even want to spend more time than I already have thinking and or writing about her, but if this is the sacrifice I need to make for my art, then, so be it (ha).
Second: I find it fascinating that people are actually interested in crap like that! Why is she famous? How do you get famous for being stupid? I'm pretty sure she is going to have her own talk and / or reality show any day now. "No, of course I never had plastic surgery! My lips have always looked like half a can of Spam cut in the shape of giant lips and it's perfectly normal for your abdomen to stretch to the size of Manhatten and bounce right back! Right? Am I right?" *** Applause, Applause *** you pathetic sheep.
Third: Jersey Shore. There is not much that can be said about this that has not already been said. It is the television equivalent of eating Pop Rocks and drinking Coke; everyone needs to try it once, but it leaves you feeling nauseated and stupid afterwards. Has anyone but me seen the movie "Idiocracy"? We are there. WE ARE THERE!!! Does anyone else see it???
Fourth: I am pretty sure I am going to quit my job. I have been home sick for the last several days and it has dawned on me that I don't want to go back; ever! I have been toying with the idea of taking the summer off. How do I make it until then? I am not the kind of person who plans things. I make a decision and I act on it. The idea of making a plan like this makes me ill, but, I would like the option of someday returning to work there, but, the idea doing what I am doing now for 4 1/2 or 5 more months feels like returning to prison after escaping for a few days. I also feel like if I don't do it soon, I will be blogging about working there on my 50th birthday. How many summers are my kids going to want to spend time with me?
Fifth: I have this dream of taking my husband and kids out west to see Area 51, the desert, cave paintings and fun things we have never seen as a family. In the dream, of course, we are all smiling and happy and the weather is great and no one is worried about running out of money before we get home or how to pay the mortgage after we return. We are just there; living in the moment, enjoying each other's company and making lifelong memories. The reality of this is, that if we want to take that trip, I need to keep working, at least until the summer. And, I will probably need to go back in the fall.
But, what if my husband starts making crazy money (which is a slight possibility)? What if I start writing weird poetry for some magazine (maybe) ? Or, I finally sit down and write that screenplay (stranger things have happened, though, not to me )?
I have good ideas! I have some of the necessary skills (though, they need perfecting, for sure)! I also have so much fear! Fear of the loss of a steady paycheck, fear of becoming a crazy house-bound woman, fear of losing the friends I have made at work, fear of not knowing who I am. Now, I can say I work at so and so and that kind of has become who I am, but what if I just became whatever I said I was going to be?
I am going to be a wise cracking, piano playing stand up comedian! I will write my own material and get booed often and maybe, just maybe, I'll get paid!
Who knows how to play the accordion?
