Conversations with Cats

I am home during the week while my family is all either at work or school. Aside from my one evening and one day per week of volunteering, I haven't been up to much. Oh, I've gotten some things accomplished. I've done a little yard work, worked out everyday, managed a three day juice fast...in other words, yeah, not much.

Today, I found myself in the kitchen singing "Sweet Caroline" to one of my cats. It's a song I often sing to them, except I change the lyrics to "Sweet Kitty Cats". I'm pretty sure that I could beat out that annoying "Friday" girl if anyone every taped me. So, I'm singing and emptying a container of Popeye's Red Beans and Rice into a microwave - safe bowl when I drop said container.

I turned to my cat, who immediately started eating some rice and said "Why do I always drop things after I've cleaned the floor? And why are you trying to eat rice? Are you a Japanese cat? I hear cats in Japan eat rice all the time. I think that's pretty fucked up, but, whatever." She just looked at me and ran when I brought out the broom (as if I've ever beaten her with a broom!) and I was left pondering the mess and trying not to think about the possibility that there may be some lard in Popeye's Red Beans and Rice. If there is, I'm pretty sure I don't want to know about it, because Popeye's Red Beans and Rice is the Holy Grail of fast food for me; and as a loud mouthed vegan, it would make me look really bad if I was eating lard. For now, I am pleading ignorance, though I am pretty sure a few clicks of the mouse and I would have my answer.

Darned Google! And darn my inability to un-know things!!! Sigh... they are not vegan. Pork fat is in the ingredient list amongst some other not so unprocessed or healthy things. Goodbye, Popeyes!

I feel ill now.

Back to my crazy flow...

I recently deactivated my Facebook account. It was a long time coming and had to be done. There were several factors that led to me finally cutting the virtual life cord, not the least of which was that my gorgeous and wonderful husband deactivated his and I missed him. Then, I found myself saying so in my status and then airing some dirty laundry that if he HAD been on there would have royally pissed him off. I realized this after a moment or two and deleted my comment. But, I felt like Pandora's box had been opened already. It wasn't such a big deal, really. In fact, I'll say it here with no problem; it was just in that forum, it was inappropriate. But, all I said was that I missed him, but was kind of glad he had deactivated since so many old "friends" (female) had been showing up on there lately. I guess I was getting a bit jealous.

Scratch that, I was totally getting more than a bit jealous; not in a worried way, mind you. I wasn't in fear of my husband running off with some bimbo he had "befriended" in 1989. Actually, it made me remember some things that 18 years together had made blurry. That my husband is crazy hot, for one. That he had a life before me, for another. That one kind of stings. But seriously, he was 27 when we met. He had travelled around the world with the Marines and several bands by that time. But, I kind of conveniently forgot that there may have several dozen women in that "Before Me" picture.

And thank God there were! I mean, we would not be together today if he had been a 27 year old virgin. No. Not a chance. Half the reason I fell for him was because of certain abilities that I will say no more about... :) 'scuse me while I reel my brain back to the present... thank you.

Anyway, I was glad for the realization. I have a living, breathing, smoking hot husband! I need to spend time with him; not just virtually liking his virtual stuff!

FaceFight

Ahh, the age of Facebook.

It certainly has it's merits; catching up with old friends, staying close with those who are far away, learning about people from all over the world, etc. And, it has it's drawbacks. Someone printed a list of 100 reasons they hated Facebook and I'm pretty sure I agreed with 97 of them, including "I hate people who comment on everything" right on top of "I hate people who never comment". :)

I have issues with people having a conversation that has nothing to do with what I've typed or asking "what does that mean?" when I've posted a clever movie quote. IT'S A MOVIE!!! I want to scream. Or, GANDHI SAID THAT, DUMBASS!!! Though, I'm sure Gandhi never called anyone dumbass.

I think it's safe to say that I have a love/hate relationship with the social network.

Recently, I've been trying to follow the protests that are happening around the country over state budgets. I am incensed that the mainstream media is not covering it in any real way. Some news programs have mentioned the protests (now in week 4!!!) but, none have shown video. Egypt protests for a few weeks and it's all over the news. Wisconsin protests and it's on Egypt's news, but not ours. There is something very wrong with this.

Anyway, this post is not about that; not really.

I was following a story on the MoveOn page on Facebook, commenting and liking here and there, when the thread was completely hijacked by trolls (trolls that, by the way, were all Facebook friends, I checked). I was still trying to be civil, when one of them said "I wonder why I haven't been kicked off of here yet?" and another replied something about how Liberals are slow and we probably didn't notice. So I said, calmly "Maybe we are just trying to have a rational discussion; silly us". And left it at that. At that point, I was pretty much done with the thread, because nothing productive was coming out of it, just these idiots getting their jollies by ripping us "stupid liberals".

But, of course I had to check back later, because I obsess about minutae and someone had commented "Hey, (commenter), (commenter) and Amy, why don't you act like real Christians?"

And I was like, WHAT? When did I ever profess to being a Christian? Ummm, NEVER?!?!!! And this is what I hate about religion, especially holier than thou born again and evangelical Christianity. WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, CALLING ME A CHRISTIAN, LADY?!?!?!!! IF I WANTED TO BE A CHRISTIAN, YOU'D BETTER BELIEVE I'D BE A HELL OF A SIGHT BETTER THAN YOU AT IT!!!! WHY DON'T YOU PUT UP SOME BILLBOARDS OF ABORTED FETUSES OR ONES TELLING US THAT THE WORLD IS GOING TO END IN MAY????!!!! DON'T YOU HAVE SOME GAYS TO HATE OR SOMETHING??!?!?!???

I'd been called names in my life, but I had never been so insulted in all my life as when some numbskull called me a Christian!

" I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ" ~ Gandhi

Oh, Where to Begin?

There are really great things about a warmup in February. Opening windows that have been shut for four months is nice. Driving with the window down, even a crack; wonderful. There are some bad things about it too. The Mulsh (that is mud/slush) and the worst part: The TEASE. You walk outside in a sweatshirt and no hat for the first time in what seems like years and your brain goes SPRING!!! WHOOO HOO! I'VE MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!! Then you realize it's only halfway through February. It's not fair.

I want my Spring to arrive and stay, thanks! And in the Midwest you can't plan on this actually happening until about May 5th. Oh sure, it'll hit 70 a few times before that, maybe even kiss 80; but it will snow in April. That is as close to a sure bet as you can get. It will snow in April and you will get the flu right after you spend a few days walking around in the mulsh and smiling at the sun and looking for crocuses.

I think I live here just so I'll have something to complain about.

I've always said that I am a "grass is always greener" person. I always think that "if only I lived in Florida, I'd be so happy" or "if only I lost 20 pounds" or "If only I had enough money for x or y or z; that would really make me happy". And it does. For awhile, anyway. Okay, maybe for a few days. But, then what? Then, I start thinking of the next sure cure for the grass is greener syndrome.

I'm not saying that I shouldn't move someplace warmer. I'd probably love it. I'm not saying that I shouldn't lose 20 pounds; I really should. And more money would help.

I'm saying I need to get off my ass and make the happy happen, because it sure isn't going to come up and bite me while I whine on the computer. And, it won't make my stomach any smaller.

I need to get up and get going. I need to find the happy.

I'm Not THAT Crazy; Am I?

I have to do a little bit of soul searching with this one. I mean, clearly, clearly there are a lot of issues going on here; crazy household, anger issues, a child that needs a bit more attention than most, how to effectively discipline your child... like I said, a lot going on.

I don't pretend to have all the answers. If I did, my life would be so, so much easier. What I do know is when something doesn't feel right. And this does not feel right.

Let's take it bit by bit: Small child comes home after a rough day at school and the first thing he experiences is this woman yelling in his face. My younger kids have a similiar system at school with cards and colors, etc. Most of the time, unless you get a call from the principal, "flipping your card" is for minor offenses. So, this kid had a few minor infractions during the day and was too scared to tell his mom (Gee, I wonder why?), so he lies and says he didn't get in trouble.

Let's stop here. If you KNOW your kid is lying about something, why make them repeat it? Why not just say, "Hey, I know you are lying because of XYZ evidence" and move on? It's just going to make you madder to hear the kid repeat the lie over and over.

And, I'm not sure what the history of this child is, but, I guess he's a handful. I do know that the kid was adopted from Russia. Huge red flag. If this kid came from a Russian orphanage, he's bound to have more issues than most and she should have been well aware of this going in. But, I realize that knowing something and living with it are two very different things. I would just think that she would have a bit more sympathy for a child that had already had a rough start. It breaks my heart to think of children born into a place with no love, no attachment, no kind of a real life. It's wonderful that this woman wanted to rescue this child, but what kind of rescue is this?

So, back to what's going on in the video. She continues berating and screaming before the kid can even take off his jacket. She pours hotsauce into his mouth, then glares at him while he holds it and warns him not to spit it out.

A couple of things about this stand out to me more than others: Why does she keep the hotsauce in the bathroom? Does she use it so often this way that it can't be kept in the kitchen? And, why does she seem to take so much pleasure in having him suffer in front of her? She also makes him tell her the rules as she stands over him. He knows the rules, but, it's pretty hard to follow the rules all day, everyday. Sometimes, people make mistakes. She screams "We don't lie in this house!!!" But, is she perfect? Does she never slip up? And when she does, does someone greet her at the door with hotsauce and a cold shower? I don't think so.

What a way to come home! I feel so sad for this boy. School must be tough for him, but, to not even be able to feel safe at home after a hard day must be so much worse. Imagine not having a soft place to land, ever. Tragic.

So, I watched the video and got angry and sad and judgy and then, I had to step back and think about it. Hadn't I lost my shit occasionally with my children? Oh, yes. So, I did a little more soul searching.

My oldest at about the same age as this boy was more than a handful. He was a spitting, kicking, angry whirling dervish. There were times I used the cold shower treatment when he was in the midst of one of his rages. It worked in the way that rebooting a computer works. Sometimes, when all else fails, you've got to restart the system. I don't relish the thought of these moments. I do realize that maybe I could have done something differently, but 5-10 seconds under cold water was, at the time, the one thing that made him snap out of it. Then, he could calm down and we could talk.

I hate the way this woman screams in the little boy's face. But, hadn't I occasionally screamed? You bet I had. But, I can also remember what it feels like to be on the receiving end. That usually is enough to nip it in the bud for me.

My kids do not have perfect behavior. They screw up. They make mistakes. But, home for them is a soft place to land. The world is a scary place. If they can't feel safe and loved at home, where will they?

I hold my kids accountable for their behavior. Good behavior earns rewards, bad behavior gets the fun stuff taken away. It's not a perfect system and sometimes, they push me to the brink. But, those kids know that I love them. I wonder if the little boy in the video feels that kind of love?