Orgasmic Chicken Breasts

I've been reading Jennier Weiner's new book "Fly Away Home". I like her stuff, usually. I really liked "Good in Bed" and"In Her Shoes" and liked the latter movie almost as much.

But, here is what I hate: I hate that being conscious is somehow always written as a character flaw instead of what it is; being conscientious. For example, in this latest book there must have been a reference to "organic chicken breast" at least twenty times. That in itself is a joke, which I will get into later, but, it would have been fine if it had not been the uptight, holier than thou sister who kept buying this literary organic chicken breast.

Why are people who are concerned about putting added hormones into their bodies portrayed as uptight? Again, chicken breast in any form is not health food, but, I'll get to that, I promise. I mean does a character have to fit into the stereotype of "cheeseburger eating American" to be a protagonist? Are people not deeper than their shopping lists?

Of course, this organic chicken breast mother also limits her son's screen time. "Screen time" is even in quotes and the good, cheeseburger and milkshake (and beautiful) sister laughs about it with her hunky, meat eating boyfriend. HEAVEN FORBID!!! I MEAN, WHAT WILL A SIX YEAR OLD HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IF HE HASN'T SEEN THE LATEST EPISODE OF GABBA GABBACKYARDIGANS?!?!?!?!? Seriously?!

Why is normal seen as being lazy and tuned in to garbage on the t.v. and abnormal seen as sweat producing exercise?

Sweating and exercise are good for you! Sweating rids the body of toxins! Exercise releases endorphins and helps you sleep! Why is it seen as weird?

Why is food that has been shown to cause Cancer in study after study, like cow's milk, good and virtuous and soymilk elitist and somehow evil?

Aren't authors smarter than most of us? I mean, Jennier Weiner is successful, she graduated from Princeton, she is presumably well - read; how is it that she can still uphold such ridiculous cliches?

I'm not saying that Jennifer Weiner is worse than those doctors prescribing Viagra instead of telling their patients that they have early stage heart disease; maybe eat some plants. No. Of course not. She is a ditsy writer, writing ditsy novels for ditzes like me. She has no obligation to create believable, upstanding, witty and lovable vegan characters. But, I wish she would.

Doctors, on the other hand, should not be treating impotence with a pill. They do have a serious obligation to sit down with these men WHO TRUST THEM and tell them that they need to change their lifestyles. It would be infinitely cheaper, safer and let's face it, WAY SEXIER in the end than taking that stupid pill so you can have a hard on tucked under your bloated belly. Oh, and maybe you won't die from a heart attack either; that's a plus.

I work at Whole Foods, which was, of course, mentioned in the book a few times as the place for buying organic chicken breast.

Are some customers snobs? Sure. Do some seem more interested in impressing their friends with their purchases than pursuing actual better health? Yes. But, contrary to popular belief, there are many, many customers who go there because they've received some kind of diagnosis, or their child has, or their spouse. They are there because they truly want to be healthier and live more vital lives.

Sometimes, they are misled, like in the case of organic chicken. Is organic chicken better than regular chicken? Maybe it makes them feel better. Maybe it makes them feel better to realize that they aren't adding anymore hormones to their bodies, but, no. Chicken is not health food, in any shape or form.

Chicken is an animal product that has animal fat and cholesterol (as much as beef) and animal products are not health food. They will not prolong your life. Eaten in quantity (10% or more of your calories) and it will probably shorten your life and give you less quality of life. You'll likely die of the number one killer in the Western world, which is heart disease.

Morbid, I know. Not sexy at all.

But, what if it were? What if some Supervegan (starring Scarlet Johansson) in red tights and a blue cape swooped in and switched everyone's organic or otherwise chicken breast for a lentil burger? Or that fat laden chocolate milkshake with a kale and raw cacao smoothie? And people began feeling good? and they got more done? and the turned off the t.v. to play with their kids? and they had more sex? WHAT IF THE SUPERVEGAN PUT VIAGRA OUT OF BUSINESS??? Wouldn't that be a story worth telling?