I watched "What About Bob?" today with two of my boys who are home sick. They are getting over it and will go to school tomorrow, but what a week!
These are the times when it is hardest to be a working mom.
Why do I have to be the one to juggle things and make sure that I can be home at a moment's notice when they get sick? Why is my job not as important?
Of course, there is the obvious: My husband makes triple what I make, so it makes more sense that he go to work and I stay home. But, I can't help but feel that even if I made more money, I would still always feel that it needs to be me.
Don't get me wrong. My sweet husband does a great job with the kids; and he did stay home one day this week to be with them so I could work.
But, this is what gets me: I feel guilty about it. I feel guilty about missing work, because I have that obligation. I feel guilty about working because the kids need me. I feel guilty asking my husband to stay home because he makes the big bucks and doesn't get paid if he isn't there.
And it really pisses me off! The fact that I am so grateful that my husband is willing to do it, to sacrifice a day of pay to watch the boys makes me angry, because when I do it, it's expected. When he does it, it's a sacrifice and what an awesome dad he is!!! Gag.
He is an awesome dad for doing what I do all the time and I am only an adequate mother for doing the same! Where is the equity?
He is an awesome dad, but only because so many dads really suck at it. The Great Dad Bar is set pretty low so he clears it by five feet, but still. Can we start having some (gasp!) expectations???!!! Why do I need to pole vault when he can Fosbury Flop? I suck at pole vaulting!!! And since I gained fifteen pounds with each kid, the extra is not helping get my ass off the ground.
I should be grateful. I should thank my lucky stars that he is the way he is. I should be happy that I have a job I care enough about to warrant my guilt.
Along these lines, I am thinking of interviewing for a higher position at work. I am pretty sure I will get it and though it is more responsibility, the hours will actually be more flexible for me. So, during weeks like this past one, I will have less trouble juggling things.
I know it's my job to juggle; but no one asked me before I got pregnant if I was any good at it!
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